Life Changing Event?

[ORGANDONOR]

ok where do i start ?? of first off I'm gonna come completely clean when i have dropped off the face of the earth this last time it was cause i went into a christian program for life changing and basically for guys that have never learned to let go and guys addicted to something most drugs alcohol or pills but some like me just alcohol, weed, porn, money, and games and basically just tiring to get my life right. the times before that i was either staying with my aunt who has cancer and diabetes, my mother whom is extremely bipolar and her alcoholic or my brother and his wife who both hate me staying with them and whom are both Anti Christ i also have spent some time in extended stay hotels or cheap places for rent or in a homeless shelter a few times which is the program was that i was in to give a brief over view of my life (cause the long version is 40 pages long i know cause i had to write a 0 to 12 yrs old and a 13 to present about my life) i was born to my mother and father who were both doing every drug out there in the 70's i had spinal meningitis when i was 3mos old and lost all hearing in my left ear my father was a thief and a drug dealer at the time and progressed to him being a serial child molester of little girls usually under 13 years old and a raper i remember and i will never get this out of my head him having my mother tied to the bed post when i was 3 years old and beating and torturing her and raping her at the same time. i lived with him a few times growing up and he always treated me like shit my brother too. i have been molested in the past by him and he raped my half sister and my brothers first wife. the last time i saw him was over 15 years old bout when i was 16 when my grandfather pasted away ( his father ) my grandmother pasted away bout a year later he was there they let him come to the funeral in handcuffs and chains and leg irons cause he had just raped a 13 year old sheriffs daughter.between the physical abuse among other things i took from him and the verbalize mental and physical abuse from my mother. i have been thought 4 elementary schools, 5 middle schools and 2 high schools, i have had a hard time living a good life and having stability and finding out who i am my mother has been married 3 times with countless boyfriends most being alcoholics like her current boyfriend and u can imagine what i went thou with them i have live at a boys home and a few halfway houses and with complete strangers just to have a roof over my head including the on guy who was a ex co-worker of mine who was gay and force me to have sex with him so he wouldn't kick me out in the cold i could go on an on for hours but i need to stop her before i break down i have so many fronts like zaku that i don't know who is the real me i have the wound up tight like a ball when around any of my family, the nervous and shaking like a leaf and like walking around on eggshells when with my mother and boyfriend, i have the over attention getter and over eager and extremely hard worker when at work or in public and i have the overly funny and happy go lucke to try and get attention when on line or in game or out in clubs cause all i want is love, acceptance, happiness and to be wanted to be around and friendship. i have all these fronts cause i have a wall built up around my heart and soul so BIG AND THICK that i won't let anyone too close to my real feelings cause my heart is shattered into a billion pieces like glass and it would take a miracle worker to repair my heart and soul

ALL I WANT IS TO BE LOVED

man we all have love for you man. I know words i can say will never change or make anything better because of what has happend in your life. we all are a family and we all are brothers and sisters in this community. we all look out for one another and we all will help each other out. reamber god loves you and when ever you need to talk or have a bad day man im here or any one of us will talk.
love you bro.

ORGANDONOR

[Mfh_Betts]

I guess my shit started when I was like 17 and a junior in high school, I had decided to take college class's through high school developmental programs and was doing pretty good, but I had failed 1 class that junior year and then the first semester the sumer after senior year I Failed the same class again , I wasn’t to worried about it because it was just a developmental math program and didn’t count for any credits, my parents on the other hand where not so happy. And decided that it was time for me to move out and learn a little responsibility. At the time I had the job that I currently still hold. But it was tough shit living from paycheck to paycheck with all the bills. Now after a series of events I guess, I am very badly in debt, I owe my dad, I owe my boss, and have been going off and on loans, paycheck to paycheck for like 2 years lol. Now IM 21 and currently don’t see shit changing for me in anything less than a year, but I try to keep moving forward without adding more shit to the list.

“Life’s a bitch, but I’ve had my lolz.” ©


O and another thing about me that not very many people know, is that I’m adopted. My parents were both killed a month after I was born. I actually don’t know my parent’s names. I have a brother and sister, my brother was adopted with me and lived with us until he dropped out of high school and joined the army, I believe he feels a sort of resentment for the way he was treated there. He has been so enthralled in the army that he didn’t even call me on my recent birthday or for any other birthdays since he left. My sister and I have never met, don’t even know here name. There had always been an excuse as to why we couldn’t meet her.

But as it is, I love my parents, both sets, I still occasionally think of what life would be like if my mother and father where alive, but I am grateful that I was blessed with the ones I have now, even if they are complete and total douchebags.

-betts

[vince21]

hey i feel where you're coming from with school betts. failed out of college after i had half of it payed for with grants and scholarships. now i'm back at home going to community college and unsure with what i want out of life. loans hanging over my head, parents breathing down my neck. just keep moving forward. that's the way i see it. as long as we don't let the mistakes we make ruin our lives, it'll all work out.

[Russian]

living in NYC during September 11, 2001 is my life-changing experience.

[2.random]

well for me it started when my dad died. i was in the 5th grade or so out on vacation visiting my aunt. He went in for clogged arterys nothing to big was known to be a easy surgery. he was the main provider for are family. he paid for the house we just moved into bills everything. my mom was a stay at home mom not a care in the world from what i could tell. He passed away on the operating table. I never talked to him on the phone before he went in and i never got to tell him i loved him. The day after his surgery my 3 stepbrothers left to live with there grand parents. It was my mom brother and 2 sister and I standing in a empty house. With his passing the bills were being shut off we were behind on house payments and could not survive so we picked up and left.

We moved in with my grandma who was dying of cancer. we took care of her for about 6 months then she passed away as well. i was just coming into the 7th grade hating life and everyone in it. i had no father figure in my life. we moved from my grandma's into apartments then moved due to bills then renting houses then moved again. i was failing in school not trying to make friends and not trying to socialize. I never really liked alot of people or to be around people. i have a really bad anger problem that at most times i cant controle. from 7th grade on i never had much stabillity in my life. my mom was the only working parent. i seen her when she took me to school in the morning and did not see her till the following morning. she worked in a business office as an accountent working over time to pay bills. my sister cooked dinner most of the time well me and my brother fought about everything. we were the only 2 guys in the house and him being older thought i needed to do what he said when he said it. It was a fight every time. i started high school and never did to much when i was there. i did enough to pass with d's and c's if i was lucky b's.

Everything has been getting somewhat better not to great. From my dad dieing my family has grown far far apart. The only time my brother talks to my mom is when they fight. my brother is not working and neither is my mom. brother just lost his job so hes getting unemployment and mom is still getting social security for dads death. Bills are still hard to pay but nothing is as hard as it was. We all do are best in life i just wish i can go back and take mine far more serious.


-donkey


p.s I just turned 19 september 29th, i work 2 jobs, six days a week, 9 hour days just to stay afloat every month. i take my sister to school go to work and try to see the girlfriend in the few hours i have left on some days. College would be my next step once my mom and brother get on there feet.
Thanks.

[ORGANDONOR]

i gess it all started when my grandmother called me and wanted to talk to me on the phone she was sick and had a lot of problems.But i was young and said that i had shit to do and that i would call her back and i went out with my girlfriend at the time. i never called her back. the next day i got a call form my aunt and asked if i had talked to her and i said that she had caled but i was busy and i would call her back . so she said ok and i called her again and never got an awnser i knew something was worng. i told my dad and we went to her house. we got to her house and knocked on the door and there was no anwser so my called her house and she didnt pick up. my grandmother was blind so we knew something was wrong we called everyone in the family that we knew to see it she was with them. thay all said no she should be at home. so we called the fire daperment and thay came and broke in to the house i was the first one in the house and the first one to find her lyeing on the floor dead form a heartatack. I fell to the floor i lost it. I didnt want to talk to her because i had better things to do with my gf then to even talk to her and the day i called her she passed i felt like the bigest asshole in the world and still to this day i wish i just talked to her one last time.


the second one is when my dad passed away on oct 10 of this year it killed me he was verry sick for a long time he was haveing problems since 94 but every he allways pulled through. but over time everything got worse and he got sicker and sicker. he had a lotmore health problems form all the meds and stuff he was on for his heart and other stuff his kednees and liver shut down and anurisum he had to get ruched in to the hospital on the 9th because he was haveing really bad pains in his back and side where it was that took him up and did i ct scan and told him that he had to have sugery on it. all the wow i was at my friends batchler party and had no clue what was going on but for some reason i checked my cell phone to see 20 missed calls and voice mails for my family and him. lessond to all of then and my heart dropped i started freeking out. i called my mother and brother and was freeking out because i had no car there we all took one together i finely get there and see him and get to talk to him. And he told me he would see me when he got out and when he got better thay we would go hunting together because he couldnt do it and that was his favert thing to do before he got sick. we waited there all night he came out and was fine so we went home and where going to get some sleep and come back the next day. as we pulled up in front on the house in the yard accrost the street form mine was a 10 point buck and it was weard because all the yards here the woods have really high fences in there yards so he had to come down the street. i felt something was wrong but i let the feeling go and was going to tell my dad what i seen the next moring well i just sat on the couch and took off my shoos and we get a call we had to go back he took a turn for the worse and he passed away when we got there and i got to say my good buys. but life is heard now we lost a lot of money and are in det form all his hospital bills and house payments among others. we are all pulling through and fine but its tuff. i know that i allways seem to be in a good mood but im a broken man theres a lot of stuff i do and say thats a front so ppl dont know how i really feel but im geting better as time goes on.

RIP DAD I LOVE YOU

[Shotgun]

About 6 years ago I started to suffer from extreme panic attacks, I'm 18 years old right now. I would be completely engrossed in my studying for school and I never looked anywhere else, studying and gaming were my life. I lived life like that until I hit High School, the work load increased and I felt myself falling from my usual habits of studying. Reading had been one of my favorite pastimes, I would wake up for school at 8 at 6 in the morning and read until I had to go. Mid-Freshman year I could bring myself to open a book. Reading and concentrating became arduous tasks and I could not bring myself to get any help from anyone. I had always been independent minus the fact that I had been under the shadow of an overprotective mother since birth. I started looking for openings and barely made it through Freshman year (I had a fully paid scholarship and needed to maintain a 92). Beginning of Sophomore year is when my trouble started, in October of that year I began to suffer from severe bouts of pain in my stomach and back, I wasn't sure what was wrong and I was hospitalized several times at the beginning of the year. During my last hospitalization I was given intense doses of a painkiller called Dilaudid that is much stronger than morphine and is basically a heroin synthetic. I was on it for 2 weeks in the hospital until they sent me home still with no clue as to what was wrong with me. At this point I had already missed near to a month of school and I was behind by a lot, I didn't know what to do, couldn't concentrate on anything and just laid around all day. In late November I was hospitalized a second time after 5 nights of screaming on the bathroom floor. They gave me more Dilaudid to calm me until they found that my gall bladder had failed. I have a liver disease called spherocytosis which causes my blood cells to be malformed meaning that if an infection was bad enough I'd need dialasys and a transfusion. The gall bladder was removed and the pain ceased but several weeks after being home on pain medication I didn't know what to do about school and problems at home. I started to sneak a pain pill here and there because I remembered how it made me feel. I went through two months of being high every day and doing well in school. I used the medication as a means to concentrate and calm myself (I had never told anyone about my panic attacks). Near the end of the year I started to take Xanax, I went to a school popular with party drugs and a large drug culture. I began to take my mother's prescription for Xanax, and by the end of April I was taking 6 a day or more, mixed with several other drugs. I started to search in my house for all kinds of drugs. My grandmother had a mastectomy and she had tons of valium and vicodin and percocet laying around the house so i began to take it. I finished over 500 valium and 200 painkillers, until one day my mother found that most of her pain medication was missing. She asked me about it and I was so miserable that I confessed immediately. I was taken to the hospital and hospitalized for 3 days where I spoke to counselors about my problems. When I got out, I had no want for the drugs and no need for them, I finished the year well on prescription anti-depressants from a psychiatrist. By mid Junior year I was at it again, finding more drugs and bringing them to school to sell them for money to buy more powerful version. I quickly became a major drug supplier for many kids at school. I stole 40 vicodin from a friend who kept them in his bag for leg surgery. That same day my mother searched my bag and found them. I was taken again to the hospital and went through the same ordeal. In May my psychologist put me through several tests and it was found that I had ADD. My panic attacks were self induced by the fact that I knew something was wrong but didn't know how to fix it. I managed to do well and finish up Junior year. Senior year in October I went out in the morning during a mass that we didnt all have to attend and was caught smoking pot by the school officials with a group of kids with over 2 ounces of high grade pot. I wasn't suspended but got off with a warning. The drug use had worn off until that point. I had started dating a wonderful girl named Jessica, a family friend and a personal friend. She had changed my life. After that incident I stopped my habitual drug use. I still haven't weaned myself completely and every so often I go through a period of days where I use. I drink on occasion and get drunk as some of you may know. It's not a healthy lifestyle but I'm struggling to remain as sober as possible until I can pinpoint my problems and fix them. My drug use had cost me the trust of my parents and the loss of many friends and the respect of their parents. No one knows what I go through daily because I don't share my feelings. I have infinite faces that I put on to hide the pain that I deal with inside. This is my life for the past 6 years. MY mother developed breast cancer and went through a radical mastectomy which was later found out to be unnecessary and my little brother was diagnosed as having Aspergers. All of these things mixed with self imposed stress have made my life a living hell.

[kamikaze_bad_ass]

organ i am truly sorry about your dad and i know what i wrote is a socker but its all true i ask that ya'll look over my imperfetions and [pray for me you have no idea how bad i need it and i need a shoulder to cry on too sometimes cause i feel like a failure and i feel like quiting life in general sometimes

[Vanishedsoul]

organ i am truly sorry about your dad and i know what i wrote is a socker but its all true i ask that ya'll look over my imperfetions and [pray for me you have no idea how bad i need it and i need a shoulder to cry on too sometimes cause i feel like a failure and i feel like quiting life in general sometimes

dude.....there is help out there broskie

[NoogyMan]

Kami, You ever need to talk or vent or anything. Hit me up on:

Steam: word Noogyman
Xfire: noogyman
AIM: Jmancaudill

I'll be glad to be the shoulder if ya need one! Like I said there is plenty of love here.
-Noogyman