Life Changing Event?

**Zaku-x109** · 12-07-2009

What was/is a (or more than one) life changing event that flipped your world upside-down, right-side up etc.? Post them here, at your own free-will or none at all.

- Mine is stated below:
*I've never told anyone except my grandparents and parents.

- One day I came home from school to receive the news... The news that changed my life forever and changed everything for me (*And the choice I regret making till this day for every waking moment*). The news that my grandpa from Ohio was in the hospital due to his Alzheimers and he only had some time left to live due do a stroke that degraded his previous condition from stable to dire. It was decided later that the four of us from Georgia will drive up there over the weekend and possibly through next week during the school week.
- Shortly after making it across the Tennessee border I played sick because I wanted to play on my computer. For my ignorance, foolishness, stupidity I didn't know what the meaning of loss was or what it felt like... I still feel it as though it only happened yesterday.
- My grandpa died.... 2 days after my birthday, which was on February 3rd. Now all my birthday is now is a hollowed out shell of sorrow and only a day of remembering the mistake I will never be able to take back, which was to see him pass before my eyes and be there in the end.

- Some of you know me as a cheerful, easy-going player... I have at least 3 different fronts I put on for show. The first is the one I have in public or when I play a game. The second is the one I have at home and the third is the one my friends and family know. All of these are the hardened exterior of who I am and solidified over-time.
________
EmiliaHot

**pasties** · 12-07-2009

wow, I have never been in such a place as that, I hope i never will!

Although i do feel for you.

Pasties

**vince21** · 12-07-2009

i feel for you. on a personal level. i don't have 3 fronts. i have an infinite number. i create them instantly based on each person i know. what's sad is i used to be the most outgoing, friendly person i knew.

but as for the grandfather, mine passed away about 2 years ago. he was in a nursing home and my entire family didn't want him in there, but my aunt convinced my grandmother it was for the best. he had advanced alzheimer's and in the last year or so of his life he couldn't put more than a few words together. but he could still think. i was very close to him, because i can read ppl and break them down into who they are. for him, i could read what he was trying to say in his eyes. and it killed me everytime i went to go see him, because i knew that everytime we left his eyes would say the same thing, "please, don't leave me here." it kills me to this day that i had no control over it and i still have not forgiven my grandmother for it.

the important thing is to remember he loved you til the end, and that nothing will ever change that.

**siosios** · 12-07-2009

i would have to say when my wife decided to walk away with everything i had to offer anyone (except my pig headed nature to work myself into an early grave), i am a shell of a man and have no feelings or love for anything that will mentally rip me to shreds. there are 2 things in my life that i would die for.... each of my 2 girls, but if they did what thier mother did to me i would walk away and not ever mention thier names again.

call me heartless if you like but to carry the burdon of something i have never had control of is the harshest of punishments indeed. no one should ever have to go through giving thier heart soul and mind to one person only to have it pulled from your very being and shoved down your throut daily if only to prove a point to the person thats doing the shoving.

hence the reason i work the hours i do and do this for you guys. i have no other to bother with.

sio

ps: this has been going on for over 10 yrs now.

**vince21** · 12-07-2009

wow. sio, didn't know that happened to you. i really have nothing to respond to that with. keep it up. show your girls the love you had for your wife. i can't call you heartless. heartbroken. however, it's not healthy for you to live in the past (if you do indeed do that). what you need is to get out sometimes. not to see people per say, but to just get out of your daily routine. the years will go by much too quickly if you don't.

keep it up. : )

**kamikaze_bad_ass** · 12-07-2009

ok where do i start ?? of first off I'm gonna come completely clean when i have dropped off the face of the earth this last time it was cause i went into a christian program for life changing and basically for guys that have never learned to let go and guys addicted to something most drugs alcohol or pills but some like me just alcohol, weed, porn, money, and games and basically just tiring to get my life right. the times before that i was either staying with my aunt who has cancer and diabetes, my mother whom is extremely bipolar and her alcoholic or my brother and his wife who both hate me staying with them and whom are both Anti Christ i also have spent some time in extended stay hotels or cheap places for rent or in a homeless shelter a few times which is the program was that i was in to give a brief over view of my life (cause the long version is 40 pages long i know cause i had to write a 0 to 12 yrs old and a 13 to present about my life) i was born to my mother and father who were both doing every drug out there in the 70's i had spinal meningitis when i was 3mos old and lost all hearing in my left ear my father was a thief and a drug dealer at the time and progressed to him being a serial child molester of little girls usually under 13 years old and a raper i remember and i will never get this out of my head him having my mother tied to the bed post when i was 3 years old and beating and torturing her and raping her at the same time. i lived with him a few times growing up and he always treated me like shit my brother too. i have been molested in the past by him and he raped my half sister and my brothers first wife. the last time i saw him was over 15 years old bout when i was 16 when my grandfather pasted away ( his father ) my grandmother pasted away bout a year later he was there they let him come to the funeral in handcuffs and chains and leg irons cause he had just raped a 13 year old sheriffs daughter.between the physical abuse among other things i took from him and the verbalize mental and physical abuse from my mother. i have been thought 4 elementary schools, 5 middle schools and 2 high schools, i have had a hard time living a good life and having stability and finding out who i am my mother has been married 3 times with countless boyfriends most being alcoholics like her current boyfriend and u can imagine what i went thou with them i have live at a boys home and a few halfway houses and with complete strangers just to have a roof over my head including the on guy who was a ex co-worker of mine who was gay and force me to have sex with him so he wouldn't kick me out in the cold i could go on an on for hours but i need to stop her before i break down i have so many fronts like zaku that i don't know who is the real me i have the wound up tight like a ball when around any of my family, the nervous and shaking like a leaf and like walking around on eggshells when with my mother and boyfriend, i have the over attention getter and over eager and extremely hard worker when at work or in public and i have the overly funny and happy go lucke to try and get attention when on line or in game or out in clubs cause all i want is love, acceptance, happiness and to be wanted to be around and friendship. i have all these fronts cause i have a wall built up around my heart and soul so BIG AND THICK that i won't let anyone too close to my real feelings cause my heart is shattered into a billion pieces like glass and it would take a miracle worker to repair my heart and soul

ALL I WANT IS TO BE LOVED

**NoogyMan** · 12-07-2009

That's why you should have come back sooner! There is always LOVE here!

There are at least two that I can think of.
1) What seemed like the love of my life, a girl I've dated for over 3 years. She was perfect I tell ya. We did everything possiable for each other no matter what the cost. She even had keys to my home. It was about 1.5 years ago right after thanksgiving. I came home no one was home, except her car was in the driveway. I parked in my neighbors dirveway to come and suprise her with a ring, ( I was going to ask her to marry me because we've been talking about mariage for a few months) I go in the back door.... I hear a noise coming from my bedroom.... And she's in there having sex with one of our great friends. I've never told anyone this. We parted our seperate ways and told my folks that we just couldn't be together anymore etc.

2) That following week December the fourth. My grandfather was very very sick was for most of that year. I was a Senior in high school, and I get a note sent by my band director, (he was the best teacher i've ever had) He comes to my english class tells me to get my things and come out in the hall. He tells me that I recieved a phone call to the office stating that my grandfather was about to pass on and that I needed to rush home. I couldn't move, I could barely breath because I was very close to my grandfather. My band director offered to drive me to my home because my grandparents moved in with us when he got sick(We have a big house). I had just went through the best girl in the world breaking my heart, and now this, Like I said i couldn't move or breathe and my band director took me home. I along with the rest of my family got to stand there and watch him sleep until he was gone. The next thing I knew I was on top of the hill behind our house screaming at the top of my lungs.

I feel all of your pain guys,
-Noogyman

**Vanishedsoul** · 12-07-2009

God Is love dude, God is love
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i was blown 30 feet out of a humvee in iraq while on patrol down bomb alley, our convoy was hit by a IED that took out the first humve the humvee i was driving was then hit by a rpg underneath the chasey, needless to 3 of my men were killed, i was left injured with Shrapnel scars down my legs and back as well a concussion.....and a tore ACL. needless to say i was spent some time at walter reed and then was sent home and put on Recruiting duty where i stayed for a year and then decided not to put in for re-enlistment and instead applied to the University of Washington where i study Psychology to be a Drug and Alcohol counselor. I intend to get into a field where i work with Vets home from was past present and future and help to work through some of the issues that push them to the bottle, bet yall didnt know that.....
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Originally Posted by kamikaze_bad_ass

ok where do i start ?? of first off I'm gonna come completely clean when i have dropped off the face of the earth this last time it was cause i went into a christian program for life changing and basically for guys that have never learned to let go and guys addicted to something most drugs alcohol or pills but some like me just alcohol, weed, porn, money, and games and basically just tiring to get my life right. the times before that i was either staying with my aunt who has cancer and diabetes, my mother whom is extremely bipolar and her alcoholic or my brother and his wife who both hate me staying with them and whom are both Anti Christ i also have spent some time in extended stay hotels or cheap places for rent or in a homeless shelter a few times which is the program was that i was in to give a brief over view of my life (cause the long version is 40 pages long i know cause i had to write a 0 to 12 yrs old and a 13 to present about my life) i was born to my mother and father who were both doing every drug out there in the 70's i had spinal meningitis when i was 3mos old and lost all hearing in my left ear my father was a thief and a drug dealer at the time and progressed to him being a serial child molester of little girls usually under 13 years old and a raper i remember and i will never get this out of my head him having my mother tied to the bed post when i was 3 years old and beating and torturing her and raping her at the same time. i lived with him a few times growing up and he always treated me like shit my brother too. i have been molested in the past by him and he raped my half sister and my brothers first wife. the last time i saw him was over 15 years old bout when i was 16 when my grandfather pasted away ( his father ) my grandmother pasted away bout a year later he was there they let him come to the funeral in handcuffs and chains and leg irons cause he had just raped a 13 year old sheriffs daughter.between the physical abuse among other things i took from him and the verbalize mental and physical abuse from my mother. i have been thought 4 elementary schools, 5 middle schools and 2 high schools, i have had a hard time living a good life and having stability and finding out who i am my mother has been married 3 times with countless boyfriends most being alcoholics like her current boyfriend and u can imagine what i went thou with them i have live at a boys home and a few halfway houses and with complete strangers just to have a roof over my head including the on guy who was a ex co-worker of mine who was gay and force me to have sex with him so he wouldn't kick me out in the cold i could go on an on for hours but i need to stop her before i break down i have so many fronts like zaku that i don't know who is the real me i have the wound up tight like a ball when around any of my family, the nervous and shaking like a leaf and like walking around on eggshells when with my mother and boyfriend, i have the over attention getter and over eager and extremely hard worker when at work or in public and i have the overly funny and happy go lucke to try and get attention when on line or in game or out in clubs cause all i want is love, acceptance, happiness and to be wanted to be around and friendship. i have all these fronts cause i have a wall built up around my heart and soul so BIG AND THICK that i won't let anyone too close to my real feelings cause my heart is shattered into a billion pieces like glass and it would take a miracle worker to repair my heart and soul

ALL I WANT IS TO BE LOVED

god is love dude

**vince21** · 12-07-2009

wow. some really serious shit here. like noogy said kamikaze, this place is like a second home, a second family. that's why most of us stay here and can't leave. i know it's been like that for me.

i think my biggest shocker was aug 1, 2008. after failing out of college at iowa state i came home and my best friend from high school told me that she had wanted to kill herself for a long time. we had been talking for the past year, but we had just started to really get close that summer. scared the hell out of me. on a whim, i asked her to go out with me. she said yes and we've been going out ever since. unfortunately, she still deals with suicidal thoughts on an almost daily basis and is anorexic. i've been doing my best to get inside her head and it's been working slowly. i'm just praying she stays alive each day.

**Kidder** · 12-08-2009

I love you all.A great bunch of guys and some girls. All ways remember to keep your head up and if you do good thing it will someday come back to you..remember PEACE